“Eating healthy” doesn’t have to mean eating fresh fruits and vegetables; it could also mean avoiding fruits and vegetables containing hypodermic needles, paint chips or toe jam. Suffice it to say, this article is about people who didn’t do the latter.
10) Body Fluids
- Black Mountain, North Carolina: Apparently, spitting in cops’ food is a thing. Just ask North Carolina highway patrolman Chris Phillips. He stopped at a Taco Bell for some nachos 1998, but when restaurant employee Jason Jones thought he looked like a cop who’d “harassed” him once while skateboarding, he added an extra gob to the platter. Phillips ate several chips before he noticed “a clear, slimy substance” that was later confirmed at a lab to be human saliva.
- Gastonia, North Carolina: I don’t know what’s going on in North Carolina, but it’s safe to say you should never eat at a restaurant there, ever. This time around, McDonald’s patron Lora Davis’ Happy Meal turned out to be not so happy when, in 2004, she found blood on her order of fries…after having eaten almost all of them. The restaurant explained that the employee preparing her food had suffered a cut, although a quicker-thinking manager would’ve claimed that the scab was the prize in a There Will Be Blood Happy Meal.
- Beaverton, Oregon: In 2000, some Jack in the Box employees with too much time on their hands and too much phlegm in their mouths decided to rid themselves of the latter — on top of a customer’s burger. The unlucky customer, Dustin Harrington, took a couple of bites before detecting a funny taste, then lifted the bun to see a “soapy appearance.” On the bright side, he got his money’s worth, as the Jack-offs also treated him to a dash of hair and a helping of staples.
- Albuquerque, New Mexico: When it comes to free samples in grocery stores, consider looking a gift horse in the mouth — at least, if Anthony Garcia works there. You see, in early 2011, he was working in the dairy section of the Sunflower Market when he offered an unnamed female shopper a sample of what was described as “Greek yogurt” that had “lots of protein in it”…yadda yadda yadda…skeet sundae.
9) Roach (2006)
Cleburne, Texas: Poor police officers. This time around, it doesn’t appear to be intentional, but in 2006, officer Kevin Dupre was horrified to find that the cup of coffee he was served at McDonald’s was cold. And there was an inch-long roach. In his mouth.
8) Worm (2003)
Show Low, Arizona: What’s worse than finding a worm in your baked potato? Finding half a worm in your baked potato. Stephany DuPont can attest to that, having consumed a slimy extra topping on her Wendy’s baked potato in 2003. On the bright side, the worm was “well-cooked.”
7) Chicken Head (2000)
Newport News, Virginia: In some countries, it might be a delicacy, but in the US, fried chicken head is just plain icky. Katherine Ortega sure thought so when she found a battered, fried chicken head — beak and all — in her order of wings from McDonald’s. The wings were part of a special promotional test run in 2000; the head, not so much.
6) Band Aid (2005)
Elkview, West Virginia: If you’re brave enough to eat at a McDonald’s in West Virginia, you’re bound to at some point consume a Band Aid. Exhibit A: Arden Carte, who in 2005 took a chomp out of a bloody bandage found in a biscuit purchased from the fast food chain and soon thereafter went into shock — not because of the blood, but rather because he’s allergic to latex.
5) Human Finger (2009)
Wilmington, North Carolina: Frozen custard doesn’t sound like a particularly dangerous meal to prepare, but Kohl’s Frozen Custard manager Brandon Fizer begs to differ; he lost a fingertip to a mixing machine in early 2009. But before he could recover the digit, another employee quite literally gave customer Clarence Stowers “the finger.” Stowers returned the favor by refusing to return the finger, keeping it for evidence in his lawsuit and keeping Fizer from getting it reattached.
- Baltimore, Maryland: Tony Hill had already eaten one piece of his three-piece meal from Popeye’s Chicken in 2003 when he discovered it contained a fourth piece: a mouse, deep-fried and extra crispy. Not surprisingly, the restaurant had been shut down twice in the previous two years for mouse infestation and “unsanitary conditions.
- Southlake, Texas: In 2006, Dallas Cowboys assistant coach Todd Haley sued a local McDonald’s after his wife and live-in babysitter began chowing down on a salad they’d brought home, only to discover it contained a dead rat. The moral of the story: don’t try to eat healthy at McDonald’s.
3) Tampon (2009)
New York City, New York: You’d think you’d be safe from improper restaurant hygiene at a ritzy place like the Waldorf-Astoria, but in 2009, when German tourist Axel Sanz-Claus ordered a steak and spinach meal from the Bull & Bear Steak House in the famed hotel, he found himself chewing on (allegedly) a used tampon — presumably medium rare.
2) Human Feces (2008)
Sydney, Australia: As consumers, we can accept a few mouse droppings sprinkled in our food here and there, but human droppings is where we draw the line. Case in point: in 2008, husband-and-wife tourists Steve and Jessica Whyte were dining at a pub in the Cogee Bay Hotel when they complained to the staff about the loud music that was being played. As an apology, the restaurant workers offered the couple a free treat: chocolate gelato (uh-oh).
Everywhere: I don’t know what restaurant cooks are doing behind the counter, but condoms keep appearing in customers’ orders, again and again and again. Seriously, if you can’t keep it in your pants, stay out of the food service industry.