The Bootlegger: The World’s Cheesiest Alcohol Commercial

A group of women are sitting at a football game lamenting the price of alcohol at the game. You just would not believe how expensive it is to get a margarita at a sporting event these days! When from out of nowhere this sly eyed fellow leans down and tells them, “You ladies are on the wrong team.” and begins to pull something from his pants leg.

What are you? The Bartender?” they ask.

Nope. I’m the BOOTLEGGER.

Yes this is from an actual commercial and no, none of it is said ‘ironically.’ This is the honest to god marketing brilliance of a company called Bootlegger the “Bar you can bring Anywhere.”

This 2 min. spot is quickly becoming one of my favorite infomercials out there, for several obvious reasons. The “one sized fits all ankle strap” comes with six pouches specifically designed to hold a few ounces of unmarked alcohol hidden underneath your pants cuff. For all of you out there not satisfied with just one flask with one type of liquor. The form fitting ankle pouch is either an ingenious form meets function design or an incredibly dark piece of meta foreshadowing for its potential demographic.

Not ready to wear an ankle bracelet just yet? Don’t worry, you can even wear it around your wrist like some kind of Liefeldian superhero, Cirrhosis Man. And no need to feel left out ladies, as the commercial reminds us, you can even wear it under your knee-length skirt.

Is that a bulge under your skirt or are you just a barely functioning alcoholic?

Is that a bulge under your skirt or are you just a barely functioning alcoholic?

Ultimately though it’s really hard to tell just who this product is made for. I suppose some poor souls out there are just thrifty enough to want to give it a try, but why? There’s no way on Earth the liquor can be palatable and really… who would trust a guy to just pour a random unmarked mixture into your drink at any time. For any reason?

Hey! Where's Jim with his weirdly body temperature warm liquor covered in leg sweat?

Hey! Where’s Jim with his weirdly body temperature warm liquor covered in leg sweat?

But none the less, this is a real product with a real website where you can really buy it. No refunds, ladies and gentlemen. But look at that design! Get it? They’re just like Al Capone, fighting the system and smuggling your liquor in wherever and whenever you want!

While supplies last! ROFLCOPTER.

While supplies last! ROFLCOPTER.

Who knows? Maybe this will become popular. Maybe this is the beginning of some kind of Melvin Udall like movement to bring your own condiments/utensils/alcohol everywhere you go for fear of germ contamination. Maybe your love of carrying small amounts of alcohol everywhere you go will be seen as endearing to some Helen Hunt type who will take you under their wing and accompany you to all of those “sporting events, concerts, beaches… and other special events” that you attend all liquored up. But really it just kinda sounds sad.

There is no noodle salad in your story.

There is no noodle salad in your story.

“You’re the life of the party… it’s like you own the bar!” Yeah, or you’re going to extravagant lengths to fuck them over. Either way.

(Source: Infomerical Hell)

 

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